...it's been awhile

Wow...I can't believe it's been almost 8 months since I've posted anything [not that I've lacked in having anything to write about]...I just pretty much let the craziness of "my life" take over!

Looking back at some of my older posts made me laugh at my quirky randomness, tear up when I see how fast my family is growing older and it's made me realize that the areas in my life that I've left unattended, need attention...

So here's to a fresh start :D

ded-i-key-tid

DEDICATED:

Wholly committed to something, as to an ideal, political cause,
or PERSONAL GOAL


Saturday when I was cleaning my Granpa's house I ran across this exercise block that I gave my Granma several years ago...

I actually set this block on the floor in front of her and walked around it several times and said "there ya go Granma...I just walked around the block 3 times so I've got my exercise in for the day!" She looked at me funny then I showed her the card that came with the block...

She completely cracked up laughing then followed it with
a micro lecture on me needing to get healthy.

**Ok this is where I had a pretty big heart to heart with myself but have since decided remove it...bottom line the "exercise block" has been the equivalent to my dedication :/

Then yesterday I was Inspi[red] by someone...

I think he is the ULTIMATE EXAMPLE OF DEDICATION!!

This is my neighbor and I think he's training for a Triathlon

Through the deep snow he went round and round
until he created his own track around the pond

I couldn't stop watching him!

He rode like this for over an hour...he took a break for a few hours
then was back out at it again...

I'm sorry I know that I've chopped up this post and it may not make a lot of sense...all I can say is that I'm in complete awe by his commitment and dedication!!

Wow...I'm having a really hard time lately staying focused...

Focused on God...

Focused on work...

Focused on my finances...

Focused on relationships...

Focused on conversations...

Focused on myself [health]...

Yes, I admit that I tend to get easily distracted but whatever is distracting me usually has my complete attention...now I can't even stay focused anymore on "the what" that's distracting me.

Along with the 24/7 "Hum-Buzz" in my ears...
I seriously feel like I've got a 3-ring circus going on in my head.
[and NO I'm not hearing little voices]

My life is not complicated...
I'm not over committed...

I could take the easy road and blame it on"peri menopause"
but I'm not sure it's that either :/

So what the heck is this???

It's working!

Ok...I read Corey's blog this morning and decided I was going to make a concerted effort to get through my work day with a positive "I'm on it" attitude!

I cracked up on his last line when he say's
"The real battle is not letting the attiturd of others affect you"

At first I was like dude you totally spelled it wrong, then it hit me...
LOL...The real battle is not letting the crap of others affect you!!!

Wow did he hit the nail on the head...

Ok...so I'm nearing the end of my work day and I can honestly say that it's been a really really great day!! My attitude has even rubbed off on my boss. Yes I was faced with a couple of challenges and even though my first reaction was going to be "Grrrrr"
Ok that's not true it was more like...
ARE YOU STINKING KIDDING ME!!!!
I stopped myself then went on with no yuky bad attitude after taste...this is HUGE for me cause I tend to have attitude hangovers.

Now the only hangover I wanna have is another attitude free day!

Thanks Corey!!!

Time...

When we were on vacation last week one of the things I did was unplug the clock in our room...
I DID NOT WANT to be reminded of how fast our time there was passing...

It was so nice to just fly by the seat of my pants...there was no rushing...I got up when I wanted...ate when I was hungry [even if we were eatin our lunch at 4:30pm]...stayed out as late as I wanted and at the end of the day...closed my eyes on "my time"...

And for the first time in a very very long time I was actually able to fully and completely relax [I know the ocean played a big part in that!!] One of the mornings I took a long walk by myself down the beach and for a good stretch of it I just cried...they were tears for many things but mostly they were tears of happiness!

I know I can't control how fast the hands of time move but what I can and will do
is make the very most out of what time God allows me here...

Brittani Renee...

During our ping pong text messaging this morning :0]

my eyes locked on 6 little words in your message...

"Thank you for giving me life"

Those 6 lil words hit me like a ton of bricks!!

Hon, I should be the one thanking you for giving me life...
I never really knew what life was until the
moment you took your first breath...
That's when my life truly began!

I'm so grateful to God that He chose me to be your mom!!

Signs Signs Everwhere There's Signs...

Anywhere you drive there they are...

SIGNS
All for the purpose of instructing you
on what to do as you proceed ahead...

So why do we have these signs...what's their purpose?

For direction and protection

As I was going through construction on my way to work this morning it hit me...

Do I really pay attention to the signs?

When I travel the same roads day in and day out, I must admit that I get to the point where my mind doesn't register some of the signs. It's not something I do on purpose...it's like I see them but I don't really see them. How many times have seen someone blow a stop sign? I really don't think they planned it...it just happens because their focus is somewhere else.

Looking at the "Warning" signs this morning made me think...

How many strategically "God placed signs" am I missing?

Is it going to take something like this to get my attention?

my fears...

Ok...this will be a P.S. to my last post about "my worth"

I've been thinking a lot about the what and whys on not being successful with a few things in my life...especially weight loss.

It's not that I don't want to be healthy or feel good about myself...you have no idea how badly I want this but a couple of things keep holding me back. First it's the feeling of being so unworthy and the even bigger one is FEAR!

Fear of failure? ...Yes!
Fear of success? ...Yes!
I don't know which one is worse for me!

You'd think that I'd be happy with the success but with that comes Fear of the unknown...there is no fear of the unknown when it comes to failure because we dine together everyday!

I've now spent over half of my life with this weight wall guarding my heart, I've known "this me" the longest...
Will I be able to deal with all that comes with it (success) including pain without turning to FOOD as my drug of choice?
And what will my attitude be in general not to mention towards those who mocked the heavier me?
I felt the pain of this 3 years ago when I had lost. The sincere and loving compliments meant everything to me but then it would only take one "slimy cat call" from the mouth of someone who had previously mocked me to set me off!

Do I let someone or something like this control my success or would it just be easier to poke em in their good eye and walk away!

Ok as long as I'm being honest here...
this brings up another area in my life that I struggle with...

CONTROL

Food is the only thing I feel that I have control over...notice I said control "over" and not "of " Check out the definition of "over"...
"above in authority, rank, power, etc., so as to govern, control, or have jurisdiction regarding"

How sad am I :*[

So how do I move forward from here?

Someone once said..."You can't change what you don't acknowledge"

So by putting these thoughts...feelings and fears on this virtual paper...this will be my official acknowledgment!

I need to stop fearing FEAR and look at it this way:

Fear is nothing more than...

F alse

E vidence

A ppearing

R eal

Thank you Lord for helping me to be open and honest with myself
and for loving me...ALL of me!

What's my worth?

I went to the bank today to make a deposit
and to get some change...

I got 2 rolls of quarters...1 ended up being these brand new ones!
Look at how nice and shiny they are and with no imperfections!

As I went to dump them in the cash register drawer
I noticed this old quarter layin in the bottom...

Ya the quarter is old and worn and it's not nearly attractive as the new one sitting next to it...
but is it worth any less?

How many times have I questioned my worth?

Seriously...too many to count!

I know I'm probably not making much sense
but God knows where I'm going with this.

Thank you Lord for loving me with all my imperfections
and through all my dirt and grime!

Funny thing happened on my trip to Lansing...

Yesterday I had a Workshop/Rally for lia sophia at 10am at the Lansing Center. After having a slow start on the toll road due to the fog...I was able to make up the time on I69 and arrived 40 minutes early :)

I had no idea where to meet everyone so I started making calls to my Managers but no one answered. Were they in a meeting or maybe working the registration table? I called again and left a message...
I continued to drive around and around and around looking for anyone...I finally found the parking garage but this is what I found when I pulled in...

That's right...an empty parking garage!!

What in the stinkin world is going on here?!?

I then get a call from Mindy and I noticed she was calling me from her house...
ding-ding-ding-red flag-something's not right here!

The convo went like this:

Me: Hello???
Mindy: Angel?
Me: Mindy why are you calling me from your house?
Mindy: Angel what are you doing in Lansing?
Me: I'm here for the workshop...
Mindy: Oh my gosh Angel...the workshop isn't until the 26th
Me: WHAT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep I had my dates mixed up!

That's right I was 21 days and 40 minutes early :(

I was so upset (and mortified) that I couldn't even finish the conversation with her...

What in the world is wrong with me???

I'll figure that out in a minute...right now I have to figure out how to get back to I69. Everywhere I turned was a One-Way street...then the only 2 gas stations I found were boarded up...there wasn't even anyone walking to ask directions. I was trying so hard to keep it together then finally I found a quick lube that was open and they were able to get me pointed in the right direction.

Ok now that I'm heading in the "right direction" I called Mindy back...how did I get this mixed up??? Then it dawned on me...at our last unit meeting, it was mentioned that there was going to be a managers meeting on Jan. 5th (which didn't pertain to me) in Michigan...somehow that date stuck in my brain :( I'm usually so organized...but I think sometimes I'm so overly set and focused that I can't see what's clearly smacking me in the face!

I did feel better after talking to my other manager Heather...and I was actually able to laugh about it especially when I heard what the convo was between her and Mindy when they found out I was sitting in an empty parking garage looking for them!

Heather agreed when I said that God must have had different plans for me...

I then called my best friend...and we talked the entire trip home. Our convo was exactly what I needed! I had no distractions...I just needed to follow the little white lines while God used Brittani to open my eyes and heart to some things that I've been struggling with.

While others may look at those 300 miles as a total waste of time...
I say those were the best 300 miles I've had in a very very long time!

Thank you Lord for the mix-up :)
and
Thanks Britt for being right where God needed you to be...

I LOVE YOU!!!

I've decided...

No New Years Resolution For Me!

Resolutions may work for others and that's great...but for me I've found that all they do is CAPITALIZE and EXCLAMATION POINT my

FAILURES!!

So I'm going to try something different this year...
but I'm gonna keep it to myself.

If I'm SUCCESSFUL...
Ohhh You'll Know It :)

If not...

At least I'll be saving my "making excuses" breath!

please pray...

From the moment I heard about this "missing" person case...deep down something didn't feel right...I'm praying that she's only missing and not already dead. I know a person is to be presumed innocent until proven guilty but Drew Peterson wreaks of guilt!

This also has an eerie resemblance of the Scott Peterson case...not to mention the names Lacy Peterson/Stacy Peterson and Stacy's 2 year daughter's name is Lacy!

Here's the link to the 2 interviews that were done this morning on the Today Show...

The Face of a Killer?

I watched both of these and it just made me sick...this man knows exactly what happened to BOTH of his wives! He's more concerned with making these women look "unstable" as well as putting the word out that he's needing some really high powered attorney's for pro-bono. When asked why he wasn't out looking for Stacy his response was something to the effect that his media presence would impede the search and why would he be looking for her if she's not missing...because she left on her own.

Both of these women feared for their lives and told their family and friends that if they come up missing...it wasn't an accident! Kathleen filed for divorce and then is found dead in the bathtub ...Stacy files and now is missing :(

For the sake of Stacy and Kathleen's families I pray that God will bring justice!!

Anticipation...

"expectation or hope"

I'm about to begin a new and exciting chapter in my life...
With that comes nervous anticipation....

Butterflies can be a good thing...right?

Fall...

The things I'm looking forward to this year...

- Seeing the leaves change in our trees for the first time
- The feel and smell of the crisp air
-The "distant" smell of burning leaves
- Being curled up in a blanket by firelight
- Hoodies, light gloves and long walks
- Enjoying the ducks, geese and herons on our pond for as long as possible
- Raking leaves at the lake
- Attempt (by scratch) to make zucchini or pumpkin bread
*anyone have any goof proof recipes?

It's time for me to...

Step Out of the Boat...

“And Peter answered Him, ‘Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.’ He said, ‘Come!’ So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water, and he came toward Jesus” (Matthew 14:28-29 AMP).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

Why do you suppose Peter wanted to get out of the boat? Why did he all of the sudden think he could walk on water? Well, you might say, “Joel, it’s because he saw Jesus open the blind eyes and cleanse the lepers.” Yes, that’s true. But the other disciples in the boat saw the same things. Why didn’t they want to get out? I believe it was because Peter understood that it was his time. He stirred his faith up. He believed at that moment that he could do what God placed in his heart. Jesus said, “Peter, do you want to get out of that boat?” He said, “Yes, I do.” Jesus replied, “Well, come on out.” Notice that Jesus didn’t say, “Peter, stay in that boat. Don’t you know I’m the Son of God?” No. He said, “Peter, I like your attitude of faith. I like the fact that you believe you can do great things.” I encourage you today to have that same kind of boldness. Start believing that your time is here! All the dreams that you’ve buried, those desires that you thought would never work out, it’s time to start believing again. It’s your time, and it’s time to step out of the boat!

It's time
and
I'm ready....

Today's Scripture

“Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you...” ( II Timothy 1:6 NKJ)

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

What are the gifts that God has placed in your heart? Are there dreams inside lying dormant? Are there gifts and abilities that He’s given to you that have been buried deep inside? I encourage you today to stir it up! It’s easy for the busyness of life, and the cares of this world, to distract you and take you off course. But you have to make the choice to encourage yourself and stir up the gift inside. You can do this by talking about it with a friend, or being around others who are doing what’s in your heart to do. Find something that symbolizes that dream in your heart and focus on it every day. Find that determination inside to hold on to everything that God has placed in your heart. It doesn’t matter if it’s been ten years, twenty years, or even thirty years, God can still bring it to pass. Maybe you gave up yesterday, but today is a new day. Today you can stir it up again. Go out filled with faith and expectancy, believing that every promise God has placed in your heart will come to pass!

The first person that comes to mind when I read this is my daughter...
she's not only inherited the passion for photography...she's also honoring God by using the gifts and abilities that He has given her!

Where it started:
My granma was a photographer, even entering her pictures in photo contests...and my love of photography grew from her. Now I'm watching as it's coming full circle through my daughter! As a child I remember granma taking pics at Notre Dame, and I did my project pics (for an IUSB class) at Notre Dame, then the other night I watched as my daughter worked with some of granmas equipment...taking pictures at Notre Dame. Words can't express how it made me feel...I told her that granma would be proud :}

What I admire about Brittani is that she's not letting anything stand in the way of her passion...

I can't wait to see more of the world through my daughters eyes!

what is the truth?

I just watched a documentary called Loose Change regarding the 9-11 attacks...I'm so sick to my stomach right now that I seriously feel like I'm gonna puke!!

Over the years I've heard some conspiracy theories flyin around about what they thought really happened but I didn't believe any of it because I based my opinion by what I saw/heard from our government and the "media"...this film however has rocked me to my core!!!

I was near the end of the film when my Dad came in my office and the look in his eyes was something I'll never forget. He started talking to me about it but I could barely speak because the lump in my throat was so huge and I was fighting back tears.

After the initial shock, the first thing that hit me was...

Was my President and Leader behind this??
or
Was it the other members of my Government??

I have so many questions as to who and why
but I choose to believe that my President was not behind this!

But even deeper down in my heart...
Who and what do I believe and trust in???

Then I open my e-mail to read Today's Word from Joel Osteen...

Follow the Leader

Today's Scripture

“God is with us; He is our leader” (2 Chronicles 13:12, TLB).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

Who or what are you following today? In other words, who or what has the most influence in your life and on the decisions you make? Do you make choices based on what the television news says, or what someone in your family says? Now it’s not wrong to get other people’s advice, but what you allow to influence you becomes your leader. When you choose to make God your leader by following His commands, you are making a declaration with your actions that God is your leader! When you go forth in God, following Him as your leader, nothing can stand in your way! God has promised again and again that He will never leave you nor forsake you. He is a good leader and you will never be alone when you’re serving Him! In the Old Testament, the people would not go into battle without knowing that God was with them. They knew that they would surely fail if they went into battle alone. Is there an area in your life that you need direction? Follow your Leader. Is there a decision you need to make today? Follow your Leader. As you submit yourself to Him, He will lead you down paths of righteousness and peace. He will lead you into victory in every area of your life!

A Prayer for Today

God, thank You for going with me and leading me into victory day by day. Thank You that this victory can start today as I constantly rely on You. I repent today of following any other voice and submit myself to you in everything I do. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

HOW PROFOUND IS THIS???

This pic is the best representation of my life over the past 10 months!

What I've now come to realize is that during my many rough times at sea...God's been trying to get my attention to throw me His Life Preserver!

Sadly, for many reasons (top of the list-unworthiness) I didn't reach out to Him...UNTIL this past spring when I felt that I could no longer breathe or stay afloat.

Without judgment or hesitation...

He reached down and saved me once again!

I know throughout my lifetime God's reached down and plucked me out of raging rivers but this time...it feels different...my heart feels different...

Now I think my heart's ruling over my head!

For years I've painted this picture in my head of what a "devoted" Christian looks like...
(i.e. being able to pray like the Pope or memorizing the entire Bible etc...) so much so that my head has already ruled me into failure before I've even begun.

Hey...I'll admit that I'm really great at starting out something totally gung-ho...but then I end up stopping just as fast as I started when I don't see/feel the "instant" results. So I decided after this last "rescue" that my walk with God has to be slow baby steps...

and guess what?
it's been amazing!!

I haven't had the huge head spinning on your shoulders kind of change...it's been slow and gradual...just the way I need it. And my blessings have been pretty stinkin sweet...
No longer am I taking credit for the management of my life or finances...
it's ALL GOD baby!!!
and
I can't wait to see what else He has in store for me :}

Illuminate

GCC's Midweek Service

Stained glass windows. For centuries artists have built these masterpieces intending that the sun would shine through them, illuminating the colors and giving life to the stories they depict. They were meant to inspire adoration for the source of light. But somehow, in everyday life, it's easy to take their beauty for granted. And like stained glass - we can make the same mistake. We come together each week, believing the promise that God meets with us as we meet with each other. The radiance of the God of the Universe is with us in the room. But in the midst of routine, we just might lose the wonder of it all. This summer at New Community, we will spend six weeks unveiling the meaning of worship.
--------------------------------------------

Jason Miller was amazing tonight! He focused on WORSHIP and said that
"worth ship or worship is an inward attitude with outward expression that something has great worth"
and that
"I become like what I worship"
...those 6 little words hit me like a ton of bricks!

-side note for my point below-
One of my favorite quotes...
"Don't live your life so loud that you can't hear God's voice"

So looking at my life based on these 3 quotes generated a huge wake up call! The first thing that slapped me upside my head is the last quote...I am sooooooo guilty of this and looking back I realized it began 21 years ago when Matt walked out. When he left, I couldn't stand the sound of silence so I literally (24/7) surrounded myself with the constant noise of a t.v....even at work. Music didn't do it for me...it had to be a t.v. ...always with people talking...because then I didn't feel alone. The minute I walk in the house the t.v. goes on...then it's on the entire night in my room...the second I walk into work...the t.v. goes on.
Chatter...chatter...chatter...that's all I ever hear!

Seriously...my life is like I'm sitting in a room with a thousand people that are constantly all talking at once...so in doing this I realize that I've not only made it virtually impossible to truly hear God's voice...but I've made it (t.v.) my worship :{
Jason said..."anything that you put stock in is what you worship" and that "we need to worship the things that will give us life instead of the things that will cause our death"

How stinkin profound is that!

Sadly, it's taken me 21 years to realize that I didn't need the stinkin t.v.
God said He would never leave me alone!

Worship for me has a new meaning...

--------------------

As far as my t.v. ...last night it was on long enough to (LOL) watch The Office...
when I went to bed...it stayed off.
How did I sleep?
PEACEFULLY

As far as my t.v. at work today...
it's been off!

My Father and I have a lot of catchin up to do :)